[Image taken from: https://65.media.tumblr.com/92534fe84b34615a4ea697b665250b40/tumblr_nk921y0JwB1t4elojo1_500.jpg
Description: An edited photo of Liam Payne and Zayn Malik kissing. Both of them are conspicuously clothing-free, but we are only blessed to see a little bit of their torso with most of the focus on their faces which are mashed together gloriously in a messy, stubbly kiss. Liam is wearing a snap back backwards and has a hand carding through Zayn’s hair.]
Dear non-culturally queer, non-trans men,
You should be reading gay fan fiction.
Now I know this may squick some of you out, but here me out. Reading gay fan fiction will help you get laid and/or get dates! I know! Unreal right? And no, this is more than just a chance for me to drool over one my favourite pairings.
I’m asking cishet (non-trans, non-queer) men to read gay fan fiction because I want guys to be better people. Normally, I prefer pan/bisexual trans and cis guys, but the ones who are attracted to femininity are rarely into trans women like me.
I want to find life partner material. I also want hot, steamy hookups. But the guys that are available and interested in me are Doing It Wrong. I’m at least moderately attracted to most of these guys, but they are doing it wrong. They have blank profiles and just say “hi” to me without giving me any idea of who they are/if I want to grace them with my time. They send me dick pics as the first thing I see about them as if their dick is the only thing that matters to me. And finally, I hate it when guys either talk so little it’s like pulling teeth to figure out what they want or talk so much that it’s all about them.
So how does this all relate to fan fiction?
The way men are written in fan fiction reflects a lot of what we are into. Read gay fan fiction and get a better idea of what we like. Spoiler alert: it’s a lot more respect and communication.
For those who don’t want to read tons of wonderful porny gay goodness, here are some suggestions I have (in no particular order):
- State what you want/need. Be aware of who you are and what you want and be able to say what it is. Explicit communication is sexy. Don’t try to coerce someone into doing things you want them to but they didn’t automatically say yes. Being aware of what you want and saying it is key.
- If you’re not sure about something, admit that you don’t know or want to know more. Ask about what you don’t know. Don’t go on acting like you know things but don’t, it only makes others angry.
- Being considerate of what another’s needs are. You aren’t the center of the universe. Get to know who you’re with and what they want. Try your best to remember it. It’s okay if you fuck up and get it wrong/forget, just keep on trying. In kinky Dom/sub relationships, the Dom isn’t the one actually in charge. The sub is. Submission is a gift and the Dom is responsible to keep the sub safe and happy.
- Feelings. Express the full range of them. It’s not demeaning to express things like genuine affection in public. It’s not the end of the world if you listen to someone you’re dating talk about how they’re feeling and support/validate them. An ideal relationship has a fair bit of give and take of feelings.
- Respect. Give it and you’ll receive it. Treat people as they want to be treated. (The Platinum Rule). Sending dick pics is bad form. Yelling lewd things to strangers is not sexy. Following a stranger you haven’t talked to home is really creepy and Bad News Bears.
- For the love of all that is sacred and holy, the D, especially your’s is not a sacred object. It is not the be all and end all of sex. I orgasm to lurid sexual situations described in fan fiction and erotica. Take a guess what kinds of things get me off. The whole body is a wonderland. Explore it 😉
- Being aware of queerness and being comfortable in who you are. Plus points if you can talk about queer issues, but have the tact to not act like you’re an expert. Saying or acting in bigoted ways is a major turn off. Expressing racist or other forms of discriminatory views is also never sexy.
You’re welcome non-trans, non-queer men. You now know more about how to get laid. I’m just going to be over there in the corner waiting/looking for my prince charming in tin armour to appear.
Plug for a show that I hope becomes real: Truth Slash Fiction (T/F)