Believing Survivors: Just because you’re trans, doesn’t mean you can’t be accountable

CW: mentions of abuse and sexual violence

Transmisogyny is a hot topic in some queer communities right now. It’s now part of the popular, socially aware, queer lexicon to be able to articulate the impact of transmisogyny on our queer and non-queer communities. But at the same time, it’s not brought up enough. Transmisogyny continues to perpetuated in huge ways by the very people who talk about it (including myself). Like other oppressions, even though transmisogyny pervades everything, it can be hard to pin down. Regardless of its visibility, the results are visible.

While we talk about the violence that transfeminine folks face, we don’t talk so much about the violence perpetuated by transfeminine folks. We can point out the obvious examples such as Caitlyn Jenner, but what about the folks in our individual communities?

I Feel Ugly

This piece is revised from a Facebook post I made. The night I wrote this, I was feeling angsty and I was hurting too much. I have no clue what set it off, but my usual chronic feeling of -part of me is missing and I need to complete it like I need to breathe, eat, or sleep-  decided to push itself to the forefront of my mind/body. I decided to work on my little rant further because other people chimed in with similar feelings. Here’s to hoping that it’ll have a little more impact now.

 

When is Justice Just?

Major trigger warnings: I’ll be bringing up my experiences of sexual abuse as minimally as I can. Take care of yourself and read only what you’re comfortable with.

I spend a lot of time still doubting my own experiences even though I have many people affirming my experiences and vouch that I did nothing wrong. I’m afraid that by writing this, there’ll be a backlash and that my abuser will pop up at my door with a bunch of ninja lawyers or something. But I feel like this is an important topic to bring up. I know far too many people scarred  by people who are still in their lives. Cops are rarely the answer, but something must be done. Like tons of QTPOC, poor, and other marginalized folks have been saying, we need change how we do justice. We need justice that is multifacted, supports survivors, and aims towards healing instead of only incarcerating people and calling it done.

On Grief, Love, and Demisexuality

Taken from: my family’s Facebook photo collection. (Due to my desire to remain mostly anonymous, I can’t provide a link).

[Description: the central focus is on a baby grand piano covered in sheet music with a kitchen chair pulled up in front of it. The image is located within a large living room with various pieces of furniture, books, bags, and knick knacks that don’t matter to this blog.]

“We’ve always been a singing family, it came naturally. Our parents sang to us and some of us were singing tunes at just a year or so old.” – Grandma

On December 10th, 2015, my paternal grandma passed away at the age of 91.

She is survived by her husband, also 91, four children, seven grandchildren, and about 9 great grandchildren.

And I am one of her grandchildren. The youngest of my generation, the only queer and trans (to my knowledge), and until the great grandchildren were born, the only disabled from birth and mixed race kids in this line of the family.

I can’t describe how I experience my grief beyond ambivalence. On one hand, I feel sorrow about how I can no longer see or hear her actively again. On another, I’m one step closer to being free to not care about being me in front of the family.